I think I must.  I have had a love… a wonderful love, a love that I had hoped would take me into my “twilight” years… A love I have tried to nurture, but I think I have held on too long.  Too many times, when I have tried to solidify our future, he chooses not to participate.  It breaks my heart, crushes my soul… I KNOW we are soul mates, yet, yet, there seems to be no set future… something I need to know, and he seems to not want to talk about.  Saddened is not the word for it… but time for me to let go.  Hard to do.  HARD.  So maybe I have mis-judged our whole relationship.  Maybe he was in it partially to help “make me whole” and help me through some very tough times in my life.  I honestly do not know his motivation at this time.  and because I do not know what is in his heart and mind, I must decide what is in mine, and if I can continue to place myself in this place… to keep hoping.  I think by now, I know the answer.  It will not be.  As much as I would wish and want and love it to be… it will not.

I will forever love you Robert.  Forever.  But, in order to survive, to live and to be a person in this world, I realize you will not be a part of that world.  My heart is breaking… but my memories are sweet and will never fade. 

On to the next chapter… I may still be swimming, I may feel like I am drowning, but I will survive.  I must.  I will.

Til later… dear blog…